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26 February 2012 @ 02:42 pm
Fic: It feels like home  
Titolo:It feels like home
Autore: lamechante
Betareader: Nobody. I'd have needed one.
Fandom: Criminal Minds
Personaggi/Pairing: Jennifer "JJ" Jereau/Spencer "Spence" Reid
Rating G
Conteggio parole: 1091(OO)
Disclaimer: non mi appartengono e non ci guadagno.



If you had asked twentyfive-year-old JJ what the best thing of her life was, she’d have replied her job. Being a profiler was her dream since she was little and she used to act as a psychologist with her friends in need.
If you ask thirty-year-old JJ the same question, her eyes smile and she immediately looks for her wallet in order to show the picture she loves the most: her baby child and her in the delivery room.
Jennifer changed a lot in a very short time: the cold JJ, the one who never gets involved with the cases she follows is a memory of the past. Being a mother made her fragile, probably too passionate and prone to mix her private and professional life.
Her team has always backed her up, though, and has been supportive in all her break-downs and all the “how can I live without my child for so many days?”

*

“How are you?” asks Spencer, after a hard and touching one-week-case about child abuse.
JJ had been involved in a fight with the unsub and now her eyebrow bleeds as well as her nose.

These are the moments when Jennifer hates her job, but they’re also the times when she gives her best to make justice prevail. Sometimes it is so painful to try to make ends meet, to be excellent in her job while at home it’s just a mess or to pretend that everything is fine.
“I’m ok, Spence,” she replies and her child’s godfather knows that she is not fine at all but, in turn, does not know how to help, how to aid and comfort her; he knows that there must be something else rather than her missing her son and being worried about what it could happen to him while she’s not at home. Spencer is probably the one who knows JJ better: his ability to analyse people, to keep in mind every single detail is not only a tool used in his job, but also in his relationships, no matter how awkward it is.
“I miss my godson too,” says Reid, “but I’m sure Henry is just fine and waiting for you to come back.”
“Do you really miss him, Spence?” asks JJ, trying to hold her tears and beating her lip.

Spencer looks at her and for a moment all the rationality that characterizes him fades away and remembers the times when JJ was the only one who called him “Spence”, the one who liked that stupid football, while Reid didn’t even know it existed; his first crush needed him and he didn’t know what to do.

“I honestly miss him, JJ,” says and puts some cotton into her nostril: getting closer he realizes Jennifer’s like a coiled spring.

“Can you hug me, please?” asks then JJ, and Spencer realizes how fool he is not to have thought about that: sometimes easy gestures are easy only in the act of making them, but terribly difficult to think.

“How about coming home with me to say hi to Henry?” smiles JJ, and Reid knows that there is something wrong about that: it’s Valentine’s day, JJ is supposed to be thrilled about going home and meet Will, spend with him a passionate night and then stay all together the next morning.

“I will be happy to babysit Henry, I’ve nothing to do,” replies Reid, after his quick reasoning.

“Erm, thanks, Spence.”

*

JJ’s house is very warm and well-decorated, even if she’s rarely at home. This is the second time Spencer visits her and always feels a bit off site, especially when he sees pictures of the three of them: they make him reflect about his life, his choices and his future and Spencer doesn’t want to feel like that.

“Unky,” yells Henry, running towards Spencer and hugging his knees afterwards.
Spencer calls every week in order to know how his “niece” is: every Sunday at 8.49 Henry stands in front of the telephone and knows that in exactly sixty seconds he would hear a “Hello, I’m Doctor Reid, is there Henry?” No matter how many times Spencer has called, he always starts off in the same way and after exactly ten minutes of conversation they’re both happy as they have heard some good news. That’s all that matters.

JJ looks at them and finally smiles openly and sincerely, even if their special relationship is something that she has always envied somehow.

Then Henry runs towards his mother and Spencer looks at them with admiration, wondering how beautiful they can be, how perfect their embrace and how matching their eyes and mouths and everything.

“Where’s your father, Henry?” asks Reid, but JJ has already brought him in the living room and switched on the television on some cartoon.

“Come,” says JJ, and Reid hesitates and wonders where Will can be and why is JJ upset again.
“I need to tell you something,” whispers JJ, checking if Henry is already enchanted by the colours of the television.

And Jennifer, at this point, starts to get off her chest all her feelings hidden for a long time.
“It’s one year since Will and I live apart: before it was separate beds and then separate rooms. We are still married, but we don’t love each other any more. And it’s all my fault.”

Reid keeps listening, hypnotized by the tears streaming down her face and wonders how well JJ has kept this secret.
“I just did not want to hurt Henry, I pretended everything was fine, I wanted him to have a happy family, but I failed. Leaving the BAU for a while made me unsatisfied and did not help my marriage and my family. And...”

But at that point JJ breaks down, silently, and now Spencer doesn’t think twice before hugging her and caress her hair. Her heart beats fast and so does Spencer’s, feeling inadequate but for the first time alive.

It’s scary to be in the place where Will should be but, at the same time, he feels the sensation he can really care about others.
He embraces her without embarrassment, comes closer to her without feeling weird and makes her feel protected as she did for him scores of times.

And some moments after little Henry turns and starts to stare at them, smiling.
He then runs towards them and, as if he wants be part of the moment, makes room for himself between their bodies.

“I love you,” screams Henry, eventually speaking the minds of them all.